Post by Akomplice on Feb 17, 2011 0:23:00 GMT -5
HI! I'm Mr. Sock. Some of you may know me as the Stephen A Smith heckler, however I am so much more than that. I actually give quite good insight, quite frankly I'm a fucking genius. That's my man Stephen A Smith, what you don't like cheese doodles? Don't front, you like crunchy or puffed. Ok, let me get back on track. I'm here today to talk about the 2007 draft and give you inside access as only I can give you. So lets get this thing started.
There it is baby, what every prospect dreams of doing. Walking across that stage and get a hand shake from some old wrinkly hand. I mean really that's you dream? Shaking hands with some old dude with glasses? I mean hey I rather find some dryer out there and get so baked and just spin over and over for about an hour but I guess we all have our dreams. The number one pick is something they say only a few chosen can experience, but isn't there one like every year? What's so special about that? Can someone explain that to me, No really I don't understand. Quite frankly it's retarded.
There he is, the number one pick Kevin Durant. I mean really, why is he smiling? Doesn't he know that he is going to Utah? I mean what does someone do in Utah? Go skydiving in that building I once saw on TV because that looks cool and all, it got like a grand rapids or something like that. Matter of fact it was a mega sports complex that I actually wanted to go to but probably never will because well lets face it, this sock is not mean for Utah. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah Kevin Durant. I mean I like the team he is going to, Noah with his funky dances and LMA with his lankiness and all that. I got to think Durant and LMA will have lank off contest or go to a limbo contest or something. How about those combo guards Wagner and Foye? Maybe they can combine them and actually have a point guard. Oh well no matter how you slice it, Durant can score the ball. However we have to wonder if he will be mentally prepared to play being in Utah and all.
Does Greg Oden really know how tall he is? I mean jesus dude, your tall. Like you think if his legs ever get tired he can use his... oh yeah the Kids. The Sock is all about the kids. I wonder why Greg is smiling though, has he seen the Pistons roster? They are going to roll out a starting five with five centers, at least they will be able to excel in rebounding. I mean you remember the Detroit Lions? They selected Charles Rogers, Roy Williams and then Mike Williams. Or how about the Hawks, keep on selecting forwards. I mean we get it, you like centers. Gortat, Vasquez and now Oden. I mean C'Mon your prized rookie is 19 and looks like he is ready to retire. Oh well, lets hope he avoids 8 Mile because that place is crazy these days. I don't see him as a 7 Mile dude, no one cares about them there apparently. So my super secret about Greg Oden is that he is tall, you heard it hear first.
Oh my god, is that really how many picks that are in this thing? Jesus how about I break this down real simple for the rest of the cats that have been selected thus far, I mean I got things to do today.
Minnesota Timberwolves - Al Horford
Wait wait wait, the Wolves had this pick. Aint this a bitch, this some Otis Thorpe type shit right here. So your telling me that talented team got another good player? Oh wait that ain't Tito... Didn't someone tell Horford that he is supposed to go to a sucky team.
Indiana Pacers - Michael Beasley
How you gonna get drafted and already you changing positions? I mean B-Easy can score and all but I don't think he knows the difference between the court from the playground. I mean you ever see him in that movie Gunnin' for the number one spot? This was the fourth pick, that's not pimping.
Washington Wizards - Corey Brewer
Talk about someone who got real lucky. Matter of fact this was sheer brilliance, hey let me sneak on a really good team with Horford and Noah and make an occasional play and pretend I'm good. I see what you did there Brewer, kudo's to you.
San Antonio Spurs - Mike Conley Jr.
So you draft Marcus Williams this year and decide to draft Mike Conley Jr this year? Hmm does the Pistons run two teams? I mean I guess Conley can sit on the bench and look cool. Or maybe they just wanted to hire Greg Oden's agent as well, the 2011 free agency has already started in San Antonio.
New York Knicks (via PHI trade) - Tiago Splitter
I got trust issues, people who stay overseas never come back. Didn't his father ever tell him that long distant relationships never last longer than a month? Your telling me that Tiago will stay faithful for two years?
Sacramento Kings - Spencer Hawes
Big men who can't defend nor rebound. Hmm this is supposed to be a center? I get confused these days, is it because he allegedly got some good genes in him? I like what the Kings are doing, but Spencer? I guess Josh Smith needs someone to dunk on in practice, so in that case I love the pick.
New Jersey Nets - Thaddeus Young
The Nets are that team right now, I mean they pimped the entire system. Wallace back for only the minimum? Talk about someone taking money behind the scenes. Oh Thaddeus he can jump very high but I feel bad for him. Artest and Marbury? Jeez
Minnesota Timberwolves - D.J. Augustin
These guys again? Pairing Horford and DJ will be nice for the future but right now they might not even crack the rotation that's how deep the team is right now. What's in water over there?
Milwaukee Bucks - Jerryd Bayless
Remember when I mentioned that movie Gunnin for the number one spot? Well lets just say that Beasley did a hell of a lot better than Bayless. He was so cute in the movie, mad at Tyreke for being the number one prospect.
Philadelphia 76ers - Wilson Chandler
You ever get the feeling that if the Sim League wasn't real that you would know about these players? Well lets just say I have a theory that the 76ers are trying to recreate the Isiah Thomas Knicks.
Toronto Raptors - Jeff Green SF
I mean you go to Georgetown your supposed to be a center. I don't know what happened in the middle here with Green, but he missed the memo. He now joins the most confusing team in SSBL.
Chicago Bulls - Arron Afflalo
When in college your good at one thing, you should stick with it. Afflalo was good at losing with the rest of the UCLA Bruins that he played with. I mean hey at least they used to be good. Oh Afflalo can also play some defense.
LA Lakers - Rodney Stuckey
You give me a map I can't even find Eastern Washington. I mean the Lakers were looking at head shots of players and saw someone that kind of looked like 50 Cent. Stuckey at least finally gives them someone young, it's been a long time since they had that.
Cleveland Cavaliers - Carl Landry
I got to be honest, I got nothing to say about this dude. Quite frankly I'm not even sure who he is. Who goes to Wisconsin? Obviously this is all part of his master plan of not being known.
Cleveland Cavaliers - Glen Davis
Hmm so last year you draft a man that has a nickname Cookies. Now you draft a big baby. What the hell is going on in Cleveland? I have a premonition that one day the baby will get hungry and want a cookie. Possibly homo.
San Antonio Spurs - Martell Webster
He has always been hyped to be the next Dale Ellis, however he is 21 years old now. Shouldn't he know how to shoot three pointers by now? Hey at least he isn't a point guard, so he is going into the right direction for the Spurs.
LA Clippers - Nick Young
I feel that Nick Young produced the Sixth Sense before it ever happened, talking to dead people. You gotta like the fact he keeps up his old rituals, I can't even hate on the kid.
Toronto Raptors - Brandan Wright
How you gonna go to UNC and do nothing really? Get bye on hype and still go in the first round. I mean when girls go to the gym and see this man try and bench press they actually laugh, now that's bad.
Seattle Supersonics - Aaron Brooks
When Brooks sweats he is about 165, when I collect that sweat I weigh more than him. I think he is better suited for Slam ball instead of the SSBL. Gotta call it like I see it, dude is SMALL.
LA Clippers - Rudy Fernandez
I see you, drafting two shooting guards. On one hand you got the Cali kid and this side you got the Spanish gunner. Two complete offensive players, I mean it can work if they score more than they give up. Woah, that's deep.
Orlando Magic - Sean Williams
How can you not relate to Sean Williams? I mean who doesn't like to smoke a little weed on the side. If Keon Clark can play drunk than Williams can play a little high, isn't that what you want from your defenders?
Blazers- Sun Yue (Overseas)
Sun Yue? Is this even a real person? Can we see proof that he exist? Oh I get it, he is 6'9 so he is already tagged the next Magic Johnson. I can't wait until this guy never lives up to the hype.
